1AM Ramblings

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Ok so I admit it has been a while since I updated you guys on my life. Now not saying you guys don't care, cause you probably don't, but I am not entirely sure who actually reads this or checks my latest works. Anyway to fill you in with latest stuff. I got a job, a pretty steady one, but I think I told you about that last time. Lets skip the boring part of that. Yes I wake up go to work, come home, do computer stuff, and go to sleep. Boring right?

Anyway I have forgotten to tell you I got my girlfriend back. Yes its the same one and if you couldn't tell I missed her by any of the work I posted or any of my journals then you really don't care what I write here. You never really realize how much you miss someone until they are gone and now I miss her just cause she is at her house and I am at my apartment. Yesterday was her birthday and I made it the best birthday she has ever had so I am proud of that (shout out to everyone who had a hand in it, including my TGR listeners and friends).

You ever have something in your head you just think to yourself, "I should write this down and work on it later"? Yeah I have been having some of those lately but I totally forget to write them down. And they really aren't that important either. They are like stupid thoughts I would like to elaborate on just cause my mind works in mysterious ways I guess but I will try harder to get them pushed out.

I guess the most recent one is Christmas. People keep asking me for things for Christmas. I know what I want for Christmas but I don't want to tell anyone. Thing are expensive. Save your money for something you want to do with it. I am much happier giving people gifts than excepting them. I live to please. I always have. I feel like a dick though cause I never have much money for presents these past few years. I must not be working hard enough. Either that or my job doesn't pay enough. Which is stupid cause I have a good job with benefits and all my friends are still making more than me. Am I stuck like this? Will I have to be like this for the rest of my life? Scratch that. The rest of OUR lives ( <3 my gf ).

This is when my ADHD kicks in and tells me to move things around again. It sucks cause I have projects at my job and I have to sit and wait for other people so I can finish them. Its excruciating. There are some days where I just want to ditch and go try that Trucker job for a while. I love driving.

You know how hard it is to find someone to talk about religion with, without them getting totally offended? MY GF is really smart and makes me think harder about stuff. Then I feel like a dumbass. Probably cause I am one. I am just good with a keyboard.

Ok so why am I typing this at 1AM? Well its Saturday, I am sore from paintball. I watched 2 movies, cleaned some music, played some video games, ate a bit. And started thinking. Am I really doing what I want with my life? I mean. I help people. But I am only putting a band aid on problems. I want to go farther. I want to go back to security so bad. Then I thought maybe be a fire fighter like the rest of my family. I couldn't do that to my GF though. My dad would have a cow. I am a GM for a gaming league. Oh man do I have plans for that. I will play DODS till the day the game, or I die. God I am tired.

Spouting random thoughts now I know.

There are things I want to do.........its just..........I don't have money to do them. Or time it seems. Not enough time in the day. And I can't make everyone happy which is what I want to do. And I can't read my GF's mind though it would make life easier. I guess there is so much I don't feel is in line and I don't now where to start. But of course it starts with the money so....

Oh well. I guess I am stuck with what I have so far. So far......hmmm........

Stay tuned.
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